What a Difference a Year Makes.....

Caden's NICU nurse at his party

Nat wins city cup! At the American Girl store.

Chad and I in the mountains.

Cara and Jenna on the Blue Sharks.

Kiddos hanging out!

A lot has been going on in our home since the month and a half that has past since my last post. I feel terrible that I have neglected my blog, but life has gotten in the way. With Caden's birthday, the holidays, and sporting events I haven't had the time to sit and write, and I am barely awake as I write this now. I know it is only 9:30p.m. but I am wiped!

Caden celebrated his first birthday on November 12 and I really reflected a lot on the prior year. His birth was such a bittersweet moment that for a long time after that day I had a hard time looking back. It brought too much pain and sadness so I tucked those memories deep inside. As his first birthday approached I slowly pulled those memories out again to touch on the feelings from that day; his birthday. Going into the hospital that day I was told his birth would bring the relief that he had an isolated cleft lip and palate and everything else would be just fine. I was reassured from test after test that he was a healthy baby despite the cleft. Call it mother's instinct, but in the pit of my stomach I had a feeling there was more going on. That morning I was hoping that I was wrong and having my son would bring relief and great joy.

Immediately after his birth I was relieved. The doctors said it looked like an isolated cleft lip and palate, but otherwise he looked great. I did a lot of research prior to his birth and I was looking for indications that might suggest otherwise. The doctors held Caden up for a picture and I noticed his ears looked mishaped. My stomach knotted up and I started to panic. I asked my doctor and the NICU team what they thought and nobody seemed alarmed. I was very alarmed. After that everything just seemed to snowball, and before I could celebrate the birth of my only son we were completely entangled in the scary life of the NICU. There was so much uncertainty and questions that really couldn't be answered. We spent long hours in the NICU, long hours waiting through surgeries, and long sleepless nights thinking of all of the "what ifs". I have never felt such deep pain and fear in my entire life. I feared losing my son, and I also feared the life our family would face when and if we brought him home.

On December 22 we finally brought our sweet boy home, and our journey as a family with a child that has special needs began. Those early days, weeks, and months were extremely tough, but somewhere along the road the pain eased and the joy and love took over. I can now reflect on his birth and see what a gift our family received that day. This is not an easy life, but I wouldn't change anything now. We have all learned so much from Caden. I learned that you never know what life will bring, you must enjoy the moment. I have also learned to appreciate my family and dear friends even more. That is what life is about; those that mean the most. We could have NEVER made it through this trying year without our selfless, amazing family, and encouraging, caring friends. My family is beyond blessed with the people that surround us. I will forever be grateful for the sacrifices our loved ones have made and continue to make that help make our life not only manageable but enjoyable.

So in order to celebrate Caden's first year we had a huge bash. It was a striking difference from the year before. We, also, set up a fund in Caden's name through the Smile Train organization. With the generous donations from family and friends we were able to raise enough money for 5 children in need to have their cleft lips repaired. We are completely touched that people made these contributions in Caden's name.

Caden continues to grow and thrive. He is crawling everywhere, getting into everything, and getting very close to walking. He is signing a bit more, and recognizing a lot of the signs we show him. He has a dear soul that has already touched many. I feel blessed that I call him my son.

The girls are all doing well and love playing with Caden. They are amazing with him and so very protective. Natalie told me the other day that she thought Caden was the only brother that wasn't annoying :). Seeing them with him brings the deepest joy I have ever known. I am so proud of how they accept him and love him.

Chad and I were able to get away for a few nights to celebrate our 11th anniversary. We stayed at my parents' cabin in Big Bear. We had a wonderful time thanks to our parents watching all four of the kids. We definitely needed the vacation after our annual Halloween party and Caden's birthday. Now it's back to the craziness of our life. We are enjoying the holiday season at home with our family this year after spending it in the hospital with Caden last year. What a difference a year can make.

Mary